commitment
so yesterday went well. i felt healthier eating my lean proteins and veggies (imagine that)! today i took the baby to the dr. for his 2 month check up and shots. poor little thing. he doesn’t cry much and it was horrible to see him so upset.
so it’s another day. another challenge. i spoke with gayden today, and we talked about how dieting and being healthy, is as much about willpower as it is just making a commitment. committing to do the best for yourself. when i had my first child, the word commitment changed. at least in how i applied it to myself. i became committed to him. feeding him, changing him, singing to him. just loving him. my commitment became all about doing for him. when weather permitted, i strollered him 2 miles. but when it got too hot, i walked by myself and felt guilt the entire time, because commitment had become about motherhood only. it just got worse with my daughter. and now, with a third child, commitment to my needs, is a blurry thing. am i committed to myself? really committed? to my mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing? to nurturing myself?
i would not think of being unfaithful to my husband. nor to god. so why was/am i getting the short end of the stick? why am i cheating on myself?
maybe this isn’t just about eating the right things and exercising, in the same way that committing to my husband is not just about cooking and sex. maybe this isn’t about just holding to a diet, the same way committing to christ is not about just going to church. everything is relational; the world revolves around the deeper committments. more than just saying it, you got to show up. and you have to do it every day.
here is to day 2 of self-commitment. and relearning what that means.
