week 1 weigh in….
good morning. and it really was a good morning today, i got up and got around, then stripped and stepped on the scale… Read the rest of this entry »
the plan
my husband is a sweet man. maybe not sweet in the conventional sense, but sweet for me. the other day he went out and bought me three new books: body for life, body for life journal, and eating for life. then he went shopping and bought all new healthy things for us. we don’t have a lot of junk in the house anyway, but it was exciting to get fresh food early in the week, we usually shop on the weekend. so, i have everything ready to begin body for life.
things i think will be hard: Read the rest of this entry »
the right now…
why is it that when i started a blog, i started in the thick of the summer? we have had parties and weddings for the past few weeks and it has made blogging become a luxury of time. so, today i scheduled my blogging, because i feel like i eat better when i write.
in the past few weeks, since getting back to blogging, i have started to be very conscious about what i am putting in my mouth. perhaps writing about losing weight is actually making it work! not like dumbo’s magic feather, but writing has shown me exactly how unhappy extra weight has made me. how it changes not who you are, but how you act and the things you do. i am less daring now. less likely to go out with new people. simply because i do not like how i look. how lame is that? i am giving up the good things in life, because of a temporary weight. this motivates me more than anything. am i willing to miss memories of this year, for my own self-consciousness?
the answer was no. maybe, hell no, if we are to get dramatic. i am not willing to let this control how i feel and how i live.
just wondering if anyone else feels like they give things up when they are unhappy in one area of life. doesn’t necessarily have to be weight and appearance. what else in your life has been so impacting, that it made you give up the “right now” and postpone it until your situation was fixed?
commitment
so yesterday went well. i felt healthier eating my lean proteins and veggies (imagine that)! today i took the baby to the dr. for his 2 month check up and shots. poor little thing. he doesn’t cry much and it was horrible to see him so upset.
so it’s another day. another challenge. i spoke with gayden today, and we talked about how dieting and being healthy, is as much about willpower as it is just making a commitment. committing to do the best for yourself. when i had my first child, the word commitment changed. at least in how i applied it to myself. i became committed to him. feeding him, changing him, singing to him. just loving him. my commitment became all about doing for him. when weather permitted, i strollered him 2 miles. but when it got too hot, i walked by myself and felt guilt the entire time, because commitment had become about motherhood only. it just got worse with my daughter. and now, with a third child, commitment to my needs, is a blurry thing. am i committed to myself? really committed? to my mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing? to nurturing myself?
i would not think of being unfaithful to my husband. nor to god. so why was/am i getting the short end of the stick? why am i cheating on myself?
maybe this isn’t just about eating the right things and exercising, in the same way that committing to my husband is not just about cooking and sex. maybe this isn’t about just holding to a diet, the same way committing to christ is not about just going to church. everything is relational; the world revolves around the deeper committments. more than just saying it, you got to show up. and you have to do it every day.
here is to day 2 of self-commitment. and relearning what that means.
